Playing the Odds
by MagnoliaBloomfield
Summary: You only cast a dark shadow when the light is bright. A grey jedi sets out to singlehandedly change the galaxy by manipulating events from the sidelines. Her plans are flawless and everyone plays their part. That is, until a certain pilot shows up. Her statistics mean nothing, the odds are even, chance is out of her control. Can she still change the galaxy and keep people safe?
1. Middle of Nowhere

"I hate sand," I sighed to myself as I trudged up yet another dune on this god forsaken planet.

I could feel the sand filling my shoes, getting between my toes, grating on my nerves.

"You're just exfoliating, that's all," I muttered to myself, sweat trickling down my back. "Just exfoliating."

Even at twilight Jakku was unbearably hot, I hated everything about this planet. Why did it have to be here? Of all places? Both the girl and the map were here, which was convenient, but that was where the convenience ended.

I had to find Lor San Tekka which wasn't too hard, he was part of a religious village, if you asked the right people they could point the way. Convincing him to part with the map would be harder. I could tell him I was taking it to Leia, that would probably work. Stealing it was another option. I'd hate to do that to him, but he wouldn't understand what I was doing anyway, and the less people who did know, the better. After this I'd just have to track down the girl. That was the easy part because I could just-

I'd just reached the top of, like, the thousandth sand dune, and ran right into the nose of an Xwing. What the heck was this doing here? How did the resistance beat me? I threw my head back at let out another long sigh.

"Let's go see just how ruined my plans are," I muttered before sneaking up on the village.

After a lot of crawling around, getting more sand in my shoes, and listening in at various huts, I finally found the conversation I was searching for.

"Without the Jedi, there can be no balance in the Force," Lor San Tekka's voice reached my ears and his words made me roll my eyes.

"Well, because of you, now we have a chance. The General's been after this for a long time," came the voice of the X-wing pilot.

"Oh, the General?" San Tekka repeated. "To me, she is royalty."

I heard the pilot chuckle.

"Well, she certainly is that."

I was not so distracted by the conversation as to miss a familiar sound growing stronger in the distance. My fears were confirmed when a droid burst into the hut, beeping in alarm. The First Order was here. And they were early. I hadn't gotten the map let alone got the map to the girl. I suppressed the panicked feeling in my chest and took a deep breath. This was just a minor set back, I could get this plan back on track. There are many ways to reach a goal, I just had to think.

Near the entrance of the hut was a basket just barely large enough for me to hide in, and thankfully empty. I dove over to it and used the opportunity of everyone being distracted by the incoming ships to hop right into it.

I poked my fingers through the weave and tried to make a peep hole. Through the gap I could see the two men and the droid outside out.

"You have to hide," said the pilot, blocked by San Tekka's back.

"You have to leave," the latter replied before turning and going back into the hut.

I got a glimpse of the pilot finally. Dark hair, strong features, and a bit on the shorter side. His thick brows were knit together and he looked like I do when I try to do any sort of math in my head, then finally took off, kicking up sand as he went in the direction of the X-wing.

The ships were landed already and the doors were opening when I realized that this poor village was doomed. So that part of my plan was an absolute failure.

The Storm Troopers were, well, storming in alright, and villagers returned fire. An explosion to my left sounded particularly bad and I created a new peep hole to get a better look. They'd hit the Xwing. The Pilot was kneeling down in front of his droid and giving him... it was the map! If I could just get my hands on him I'd have a shot at my plan turning out semi okay. But wait...

"And he's rolling off into the desert," I muttered to myself as I watched the pilot head back to the fight.

I was about to sneak off after the droid when another ship approached. My guts constricted when the recognition hit me.

Kylo Ren.

My new plan was to hunker down and hope he wouldn't sense me. So I was stuck here just watching the slaughter that was all my fault. The two things that distracted me slightly from my guilt was the pilot, who actually cut quite a heroic figure for someone his size, and a Storm Trooper who was having what looked like an identity crisis.

In a split second decision after quickly, and I mean quickly, weighing the possible outcomes, I gave the Storm Trooper a little nudge back into reality. It was a stupid, hardly calculated risk that I immediately kicked myself for since Kylo might easily have sensed it, and for what? In hopes that the Trooper might break the pilot free if he was captured? What were the odds of that working out?

After that I resigned myself to sitting there like a brick and focusing on not being detected. However, when Kylo's ship landed and he stepped out, my heart beat was probably audibly shaking the basket.

His menacing figure squared up to the old and feeble San Tekka, the villagers surrounded by Storm Troopers behind him.

"Look how old you've become," the voice was distorted by his helmet but sounded familiar all the same.

I closed my eyes and focused on keeping myself calm and invisible.

"Something far worse has happened to you," San Tekka replied.

"You know what I've come for," Kylo Ren breezed right over that comment.

"I know where you come from. Before you called yourself Kylo Ren," San Tekka went on, not letting him off that easy, but the younger man was just as stubborn.

"The map to Skywalker," he went on, completely ignoring the older man's attempts at guilting him. "We know you found it. And now you're going to give it to the First Order."

"The First Order rose from the dark side. You did not."

'Oh come on old man,' I thought to myself. 'Don't push him.'

"I'll show you the dark side," Kylo threatened.

"You may try. But you cannot deny the truth that is your family."

My eyes squeezed tighter, knowing that he'd gone too far.

"You're so right," Kylo Ren agreed with a deceivingly genuine tone.

I didn't need to open my eyes to know what happened next, however they did spring open at one unexpected thing. The pilot leapt up with a shout and fired off one shot with his blaster. Both were stopped dead in their tracks by Kylo Ren. Two Storm Troopers retrieved the pilot who threw a look of bewilderment over his shoulder at the crackling bolt hanging in midair still. The Storm Troopers shoved him to the ground in front of Kylo who bent down and stared at him unnervingly.

"So, who talks first? You talk first? I talk first?" The pilot's immediate go to in the face of danger was sass.

"The old man gave it to you," Kylo finally concluded.

"It's just very hard to understand you with all the... apparatus," the pilot was cut off by Kylo ordering him to be searched.

When their search turned up nothing, Kylo ordered him to be put on board just like I'd expected in the quarter of a second I'd thought about it.

"Sir," spoke up a silver Trooper with a feminine voice and dramatic cape. "The villagers?"

No. No, please no.

"Kill them all."

A tear slipped out of my tightly shut eyes as I tried my best to not do something foolish like jump out of this basket and try to save everyone, which, as I heard the pilot screaming 'No!' as he was drug on board, was exactly what I wanted to do. Call me cold, call me cowardly, but I knew my end game and I couldn't risk it. So yes, I sat there, hiding in a basket as an entire village was slaughtered by all but one Storm Trooper.

I kept my eyes closed until the last ship finally left. I knew the first order was thorough, but I still had to check for any survivors before going after the droid. To my shame, there were none. I made a torch out of the debris and looked for the droids tracks in the sand. Once I'd spotted them, I turned on my beacon for my ships auto pilot to meet me.

With the threat of Kylo Ren detecting my presence gone, and no one around to witness me, I watered the desert sands with my tears over all those dead behind me. The first step in my mission and already the number one thing I didn't want to happen, happened. But it wasn't going to stop me.

My ship finally landed nearby and I boarded it, wiping the tears and sand off my face as I made my way to the controls and set it to track the droids signature. However, a sand storm was picking up, making all of that easier said than done.

Did I mention I hate sand?


	2. That Pesky Pilot

An alarm beeped obnoxiously, waking me from a deep sleep I didn't even know I fell into. Startled awake, I lost my balance and fell off my seat onto the cold grating of the ships floor.

"She's beauty and she's grace," I mumbled groggily as I winced at the pain.

I got up and threw myself back in my seat to check on that alarm. It had finally picked up the droids location and was just about a mile away.

"Yay!" I cheered quietly to myself and increased thrusters.

I stood up and stretched my aching back, hearing sand fall off of me. Ugh I needed to clean up.

As I discarded my sand covered clothes and poured a dune out of each shoe, I was starting to get a feeling. Or was it two? Once I was finally in the shower it became clearer. The girl was close by, I could sense it. And the droid was set to cross paths with her. Looks like my job was getting done for me! I should make sure nothing interfered with their meeting though, wouldn't that just be my luck.

An alert blipped and lit up the screen in the shower wall. A TIE fighter had just crashed about 10 miles east of my current location.

"The pilot and the Trooper," I muttered in realization. "Your stupid idea actually worked."

My heart leapt with satisfaction and surprise. But now I was pulled in two directions, too many variables had presented themselves. I had no choice, I had to use the force.

Closing my eyes I reached out to see the girl and the droid. Definitely on a collision course with each other. Good. Now I checked on the other two. The Storm Trooper was with the ship still, unconscious but he'd be ok. Somehow his path was going to cross the girl and the droid. The shape of the future looked a little rough, but they'd be ok together. The pilot was another story. He was blank and uncertain. I hated that. There was no accounting for people like that and my mission required precision. The girl, the droid, and the Trooper would take care of themselves without my interference but I had to get this wild card pilot out of here. I reset auto pilot and hurried to finish my shower.

Poe: A Mirage Named Hope

My head was pounding as I awoke, and I immediately spat a mouthful of sand out as I quickly sat up and looked around. Nothing but red dunes all around.

"Finn!!" I called loudly, my voice dry and cut short by the desert wind and absorbed by the sand. "Finn!"

I stood on shaky legs and looked around again. I rubbed the sand off my face and shook some out of my hair. Sand was caked to my bloody lip and I licked it off before spitting it out.

"I hate deserts," I sighed to myself before trudging up a nearby dune to get a better view.

Once at the top I could see clearly that... I was all alone in the middle of nowhere.

"Perfect," I muttered. "Well, I can't just sit here. Come on Dameron, pick a direction."

I went with my gut and started trudging along the high ridges of the dunes. I wanted the advantage of the high ground and the view it afforded. Fortunately that put the sun behind me as well. After being tortured by the first order I was already on the verge of dehydration, I needed water soon or I'd be a goner.

"You survive torture by Kylo Ren and a crash landing only to die meaninglessly in the middle of a sand box," I anti pep talked myself before realizing it.

Still I trudged on until the sun made its way in front of me like the fiery ball of misfortune that it was. I'd come to the end of the ridge I'd been walking along and saw a large sandy valley in front of me. Obviously the heat and dehydration were getting to me because the mirages were starting. I saw a bit of silver waving like a flag in the heat that could have been a ship. At the very least maybe it was a place where there was some shade. Realizing that every direction was uncertainty, I might as well go this direction and check it out, mirage or not.

My throat was so parched it felt like it was cracking, and my legs were exhausted from struggling in the sand. By the time I got close enough to see a clear shape of the ship I was convinced it was an illusion, I was just that far gone and it was too good to be true. I tried my best to ignore it and walk right by, but when I got closer I couldn't help but look over and see her. The loading ramp was down and a woman stood there in a flowing lavender shirt and tight gray pants. Black glasses shaded her eyes from the sun, and she held a sweating glass of water. A mirage for sure.

I shut my eyes tight and willed myself to walk right on by.

"Hey!"

I stopped dead in my tracks. I couldn't remember if mirages talked.

"Yoo-hoo!" Her voice called again and every muscle rebelled and turned to look over my shoulder.

She smiled when I looked at her.

"Come here!" She waved.

I didn't move, I still wasn't sure if I was hallucinating or not.

"Come on, please? I'm just trying to help you," she called.

"You need water at least," she said, shaking the glass at me, ice cubes clinking like bells from heaven. That got the rest of my body turned around.

"Come on, it's hot out here," she mildly complained as she tried to hide in the shade of her ship. "And I already got one pair of shoes full of sand, so get a move on."

My feet shuffled back in her direction which made her smile again. When I was finally standing in front of her, she lifted her glasses and I saw big, dark blue eyes. When she smiled there were no wrinkles, just soft, pale skin. She offered me the glass of water but I kept my eyes on her.

"Are you a mirage?" I asked stupidly.

She looked at me blankly for a second before reaching up and-

"OW!" I cried, holding my forehead which she'd just flicked really hard.

"Not a mirage," she clarified and thrust the water into my other hand.

It was cold and slippery with sweat and I instantly put it to my chapped lips and drank without a second thought.

"That better?" She asked when I'd finished.

I nodded and wiped my mouth.

"Thanks. Who are you?"

"The resistance sent me to pick you up," she told me, motioning me to follow her onto the ship.

"I'm supposed to just believe you?" I called after her, not setting foot on the ship yet.

She turned to me, that blank look on her face again. After a second she walked back down to me and reached for the chain around her neck, pulling it out of her blouse to reveal a resistance pendant on the end. I looked from it back up into her disarming blue gaze.

"What's your name?" I asked her a bit softer now.

She let out a small sigh and her features relaxed into a semi defeated expression as she stared down at me.

"Hope."

Hope.

A smile broke out on my face, cracking my lips painfully but I didn't care. Her blank expression took over again as she stared at me.

"Alright," I said as I handed her back the empty glass and sauntered past her and onto the ship. "Let's get out of here."


	3. Parting Ways Hopefully For Good

I looked at the glass in my hand, the pilot's weird, bright smile still burning in my retinas, and then back at him sauntering onto my ship like he owned it. I almost chucked the glass out in the desert but the thought of leaving it here on this awful planet was too sad, even for an inanimate object. Instead I just scoffed and followed him, the loading ramp lifting as I did so, and promised to be rid of this Pilot as soon as possible.

"So," he drawled as I met him at the top, the fact that I was just a hair shorter than him not diminishing his smug expression. "How did you get your hands on a J-type 327 Nubian Royal starship?"

For half a second I was impressed he recognized it, till I remembered, duh, of course he would since he's a pilot. I chose the route of strategic incompetence, it always works well when men ask questions I don't want to answer.

"Is that what this is?" I asked, looking around as if seeing it for the first time. "Huh, I just thought it was pretty."

He scoffed, trailing after me as I led him to my modified Throne room.

"Make yourself comfortable, I'm sure you're tired. There's more water and some food in the storage beneath that bench there," I pointed out to him as I backed my way out to get to the control room but he wasn't letting me go that easy.

"Woah, woah, wait a second," he tried to catch up to me, his obvious fatigue almost making me feel sorry for him for a second.

"We can't go yet, I have to find my droid," he adamantly stated.

His thick brows drew together and wiped any trace of smugness off his dusty face.

"Please," he added.

I softened my expression and took a step closer.

"Don't worry about BB-8, he found a few rebels who are taking good care of him and getting him back to the base," I assured him with my best case scenario prediction of future events, some minor details omitted for his comfort.

"Really?" He asked happily, those eye mustaches going up in relief now. "Way to go BB-8, I knew you had it in you."

Who talks about a droid like that? This guy was losing it, I had to get him to lie down and get some more fluids in him.

"Yeah, see? Nothing to worry about now but yourself," I said, placing a hand on his arm and gently trying to lead him back to the throne room. "Just go lay down and I'll get you some water and food."

"Ok, thanks," he finally relented as the exhaustion over took him. He settle his aching body down on one of the bench seats. "Sorry for getting your nice ship all dirty, your highness."

I glanced over at him with a raised brow as I knelt by the cool box of water and stash of snacks. He must have been making a joke about my "Royal" Star ship.

"It's ok," I told him, choosing to ignore his remark as I handed over the water and food.

"Thank you," he repeated in a weary voice before passing out all together.

I stared at him in bewilderment as he began to snore. This is exactly why I had be rid of him, he was too unpredictable. His personality had done a complete 180 already.

I stood over him for a moment longer than I was comfortable with, faltering before giving in to something that was bothering me. I went past the control room to the royal chambers which was my bedroom, and retrieved a special balm. Returning to the throne room I knelt by his face and applied some to his incredibly chapped lips.

"I'm not doing this because I like you," I sighed. "I just know I hate having chapped lips."

He continued to snore and I found myself staring at him

"Okay, you've officially gone into creep mode," I chastised myself, pulling my hand away and straightening up. I cleared my throat and walked briskly into the control room, sitting down and setting a course for a nearby planet where I knew he could get a ride.

The jump would only take half an hour or so, not much time for him to rest after all he'd been through. I looked over my shoulder at him laying there, snoring away, a puddle of sand forming on the floor under him.

"No one is gonna pick him up looking like a desert hobo," I thought out loud.

I got up and went to the lower level of the ship to my storage. I dug around in a trunk of clothes until I found some that looked like they'd fit him. I came back to the throne room and placed them on the bench at his feet before returning to the control room.

I sat there, not much to do piloting wise since it was on auto. And we were in hyperdrive. I drummed my fingers on my arm rests as I tried to ignore the gentle snores coming from the other room.

"Mm no," I stayed as I hit the button to close the control room doors.

But he's not well, what if something happened? I tapped the door button gently with my finger nail a few dozen times before finally opening it again and taking one quick glance at him.

"Ok, he's fine," I told myself before facing forward again and checking how long till we arrived at Phu.

25 minutes. Only 5 minutes had passed.

"This is going to take forever," I moaned as I rubbed my face, pulling it down dramatically.

It had been a really long time since I'd carried a passenger in Lola, which is what I called my Nubian starship, and it served as a reminder why I don't. His very presence was disrupting my ... everything. I got up, deciding to go to my room and take a nap until we got there. Out of sight out of mind was good but unconsciousness was a better way to deal with it. I closed my door and threw myself onto my bed, getting cozy in my blankets and pillows, smiling and let out a sigh of relief. But instead of falling into blissful sleep, I was hit with an unwanted thought.

That guy out there had been tortured by the first order, crashed into a planet and roam around in a nasty desert for the good part of a day. Half an hour was not much rest for him at all, how would he be able to make it back to DQar like this? Why did I care? I buried my face in a pillow and groaned.

"Fine!" I barked as I bolted up and marched back to the snoring derelict on my couch.

"We're in hyperdrive, he won't be able to find me if I use the force in hyper drive," I tried to convince myself as I placed my hand on the Pilot's sticky, dirty forehead.

Poe Dameron.

"I don't care what his name is," I reminded myself aloud as I closed my eyes and focused on healing him. When I was satisfied that he'd be ok but stay asleep till we got to Phu, I pulled my hand away and sighed at him for the 10th or so time I'm sure.

"I've been more than nice to you now," I pointed out to him. "So the least you can do in return is stay out of my plans, mkay?"

He just snored in response.

Now satisfied that I'd done everything possible for this Poe Dameron, I went back to my seat and checked the time left. A mere 10 minutes to go, I leaned back and propped my feet up on the console. A 10 minute nap will do.

As I was on the delicious verge of slipping into sleep, a sharp snort from the other room startled me back from the edge. Now what?

I sat up straight as I put my feet down when I heard Poe hit the floor in the other room.

"You alright?" I asked as jogged into the room and fell to my knees beside him, one hand falling on his shoulder.

"What's goin on?" He groaned.

"We're almost to Phu, just a few more minutes. Are you ok? Did you hurt yourself?"

"Nah, I'm ok," he said, sitting up and resting his back against the seat. "Wait, did you say Phu?"

I nodded as I knelt in front of him.

He rubbed his bleary eyes.

"But with your T-14 hyperdrive we should have made that jump in like half an hour."

"We did," I confirmed.

He looked quizzically up at me for a little too long.

"What's the matter?" I prompted.

"Just feel more rested than I thought I would," he remarked quietly. "But, why didn't you just take me back to DQar?"

"Sorry, I got my own schedule to keep," I (fake) apologized.

"Alright," he nodded and sand fell from his hair into his lap.

"Um, do you want to use the shower?" The words were out before I could stop myself.

"If you don't mind," he grinned, probably thinking he was so charming.

I reached past his face and grabbed the clothes off the seat behind him, placing them in his lap. I noticed his dark eyes went a little wide when I'd leaned in.

"This way," I said, standing up and leading him toward my room and to the bathroom.

I went in and got our towels for him to use before slipping back out. Without any idea what I'd say anyway I just walked out of my room and went to prepare for landing.

I breathed a sigh of relief as I came out of hyperdrive and approached the planet. I was so much closer to being rid of Poe Dameron and free to get back to my mission. I'm sure I could catch up with the girl and the droid, and the first order was definitely easy to get the attention of. I could still do this.

"That," came Poe's voice, startling me out of my thoughts as I was setting Lola down in an open landing area. "Was one good shower."

He clapped a hand on the back of my seat and smiled down at me. I had to do a double take, he looked so different now that he was clean.

"Can I ask a dumb question?" He leaned in with a grin.

"Almost professionally," I remarked under my breath remembering him asking if I was a mirage.

"Didn't I have a split lip when I got on board?" He asked, either not hearing my remark or choosing to ignore it.

'Busted,' I thought as I cautiously looked back up to see him thoughtfully stroking his bottom lip. He glanced my way and I quickly diverted my eyes.

"Guess that medicine I gave you while you were asleep actually works," I tried to come off nonchalant.

"Huh," he grunted while still fiddling with his lip. "Well, thanks."

"No problem," I remarked quietly as I released the boarding ramp.

Poe: Until We Meet Again

She walked me to end of the boarding ramp and I turned to face her one last time.

"So, you're just gonna leave me here?" I asked with a bit of a pathetic expression as I gestured to the bustling port around us.

She glanced around and finally shrugged.

"Yeah, pretty much."

I couldn't help but chuckle. This girl was a trip. She acted all cool and sarcastic but still made an effort to take care of me. I glanced back up at her, a small smile tugging the corner of her petite lips. I tried to memorize her face in case I ever ran into her again. I guess I stared a little too long because she broke eye contact and regarded the ships around us.

"You better get going, you have to find some more of your rebel buddies to get you back," she reminded me.

I gave her a defeated smile.

"You're really not gonna help me huh?"

"No," she shook her head with a patronizing smile of her own.

"Not even a kiss for luck?" I pressed just to tease her.

She actually reached out and put a hand on my shoulder which I wasn't expecting, but the bigger surprise came when she pushed me lightly off the ramp.

I caught my footing and chuckled again.

"Well, until next time your highness!" I saluted her as the ramp began lifting her away from me.

She wiggled her fingers, very unimpressed with me, and I almost thought I heard her mutter 'Not if I'm lucky.'

Still grinning I turned away and began my wandering when I felt something in the pocket of the jacket she'd given me. I reached inside and found a small tin of lip balm. My grin got wider as I tossed it up and caught it again. I had a feeling I'd be seeing her again.

Hope:

I breathed a sigh of relief as the ramp closed. He was finally gone for good.

"Kiss for luck? What's wrong with him?" I remarked as I made my way to the control room feeling warm all of a sudden. Geez, did I carry some of Jakku along with me? I turned down the temperature as soon as I could and pressed a hand to my warm face.

"What ever, it's over with," I stated as I prepared for take off again.

While leaving the atmosphere I tuned into the Jakku frequencies to see if there was any news about BB8- I mean, the droid- and the girl. I came across a channel with a familiar frequency clicking along, TIE fighters. My brows met in confusion.

"They're chasing the What?"


	4. Everything Goes Wrong Quickly

"That ship? Really?" I cried as I aimed myself back in the direction of Jakku and hit the hyperdrive.

Once auto pilot was engaged my hands flew up to my face as I groaned.

"Oh that's great, Hope," I scolded myself as I got up and began pacing. "All that planning and research on such a boring little hot rock planet and you just casually miss the Millennium freaking Falcon right under your nose! Good one!"

I flopped on a bench seat face first only to bolt upright quickly afterward as the scent of sweat and body odor hit me. I wiped sand off my face and glowered at the seat as if that Poe Dameron was still there. If only I hadn't had to waste my time relocating that idiot I could have kept this from happening.

"Maybe it won't matter," I tried to tell myself. "Maybe they won't find it. Really. What are the Odds of Han Solo finding the Millennium Falcon all the way out here? It's just a ship."

'Millennium freaking Falcon.' The stupid voice in the back of my mind repeated.

With another groan I flopped over, forgetting the sand and stink and immediately regretting it. With an exasperated cry I threw myself off the couch and stomped off to get my cleaning supplies. I wanted every trace of this pilot gone, he was just bad mojo.

After vacuuming up every particle of sand and practically shampooing the cushions I was almost satisfied. I was giving the cushion a cautious sniff test when I heard a specific alarm chime.

"Proximity alert?" I questioned as I abandoned my task to check on it.

It was a ship coming up near my path of trajectory. No- not a ship!

"Ha!" I cried triumphantly, throwing Lola out of hyperdrive just in time. "Millennium freaking Falcon."

This was thanks to getting rid of all traces of that Poe Dameron, I just knew it. I giddily steered myself just out of their radar and reached for my radio, ready to put out an anonymous tip that the Falcon was out here like a sitting porg.

Just as I got the communicator to my mouth, however, my smile faded. The Falcon was being sucked up in a tractor beam. I leaned forward to get a better look at the freighter that was ruining everything and took a scan of it. I sat quietly watching the inconvenience as the computer shuffled through information. The Falcon was fully out of sight by the time it spit out a result.

"Of course," I sighed as the name Han Solo blipped on my screen.

I rubbed my eyes hard.

"What are the odds?" I mocked myself.

"Stop asking what the odds are! It's like saying 'What could go wrong?' or 'it can't get any worse.'"

My attention was drawn to two more ships coming onto the scene, one of which was the Guavian Death Gang and the other Kanjiklub. My expression slowly increased dramatically.

"I wasn't actually saying any of those things!" I cried loudly. "Why is it getting worse?!"

I groaned and let my head thud onto the control panel. One hand reached up and turned on the radio, deftly switching between frequencies as I listened for something relevant, a dent forming on my forehead already. There was about 5 minutes of nothing before-

"I didn't even open my mouth or think it, and it got worse again," I shot up saying as the Guavian's screamed about Rathtar's being loose.

One of those rancid things could destroy the droid and thusly the map, and/or kill the girl. And there was nothing I could do about it from here, only hope that they manage to escape.

I sat there with a thoughtfully furrowed brow as I watched the freighter, so peaceful on the outside, as the screaming continued on the radio.

Think ahead of the problem.

"Ok," I said aloud to myself. "They could escape on the Falcon and leave the freighter behind. Oh, but how did Han and these others all find it at once?"

Finally I'd stumbled on a good question. From my controls I hacked into all three ships and confirmed that they were all tracking the Falcon's signature. That made the Falcon a very dangerous escape vehicle, but they probably had no other choice. I could also track its signature and set up a program to do just that, but I also needed a head start.

"Where would Han go from here?" I wondered. "Where is the least convenient, most irritating place they could end up?" I added more realistically.

That proved to be the right question because my face lit up with realization.

"Takodana," I murmured.

I punched in the coordinates to the little galactic melting pot planet and got ready for whatever happened next.

The freighter doors opened and the Falcon was visible again, a rathtar wildly trying to devour the cockpit. It was revving up for a jump and I got ready to punch it just as soon as they did.

Fairly confident about my destination I hit the hyperdrive and began working on my plan for when I got there.

I couldn't land in sight, obviously. Lola was a big pointy piece of chrome, easily spotted. I'd have to land her far away but I couldn't waste time getting where I needed to be after that. I leapt up and raced to the lower level where the crew quarters used to be. It was now stripped and used for storing important things. Like my mandalorian speeder bike.

I pulled the tarp off Max, his blue and white stripes gleaming still. I turned on the speeder to make sure it was still in working order since I hadn't used it in a while. I didn't need to get stranded halfway between my ship and Maz's, forced to walk the rest of the way before going all the way back to Lola. I was already getting used to things not going my way. I ran regular maintenance on Max the whole time it took to get to Takodana just to be safe, but also thought my plan through completely.

Han would need a ship that wasn't so obvious if they wanted to get BB-8 back to the resistance safely. Gah! Why did I keep calling him by his name instead of just "the droid". I wasn't supposed to get personal, not even with the machines. For that matter, no more "Poe Dameron" either, he's "the pilot".

I started over. If they want to get the droid back to the resistance safely, they need a different ship. Of course Han would go to Maz, she's the only one who would do him a favor. And if not Han, she'd do it for Chewie. I took a moment to wipe the sentimental smile off my face. Back to business. The 'secret light saber' was at Maz's place, I'd just have to introduce it to Rey- the girl! I'd just have to introduce it to the girl and she'd be well along her way. Obviously there would be someone with the resistance who'd send a message once they saw B- the droid, and someone else would inform the First Order. So that was two less things I had to do myself. Re- The Girl And B-

I sighed heavily and closed my eyes for a second, schlumping against the speeder. I needed to get my head on straight.

The girl would cross paths with Kylo Ren and finally things would be going my way.

I hoped.


	5. Everything Gets Much Worse

I floated above Takodana for a moment and let the computer scan for a good place to land while I dug through a trunk of clothes, looking for something to help me blend in. I changed into a black outfit with a dark blue head covering, and put on some dark lip stick and eyeliner. A good disguise meant having everything that could be used to describe you be removable or completely generic.

I landed Lola on a patch of grass nicely surrounded by trees, and got my Speeder to the ground. I stood there in the warm light and fresh air, enjoying the refreshing atmosphere of the planet. I'd been flying around too long and Jakku didn't count for anything. I paused and awkwardly patted the cleverly hidden lightsaber on my hip. It had been a long time since I'd used or carried it but for some reason I felt like I should bring it. I was telling myself that it was more discreet than a blaster and usually no one messed with an unarmed girl here. But if it came down to using the saber, that would definitely not be discreet.

I pushed these thoughts from my mind and hopped on the speeder.

"Here goes... everything," I muttered to myself as I put on my goggles before hitting the throttle and making my way toward the castle.

I almost forgot how fun speeders were, to feel the wind in your hair, the zing of adrenaline. And I was almost disappointed in how quickly I got to the castle because I was actually having fun there for a while. But I had more important things to do.

I parked around the corner of the entrance, farthest from the lake. I left my goggles on the handle and adjusted my disguise before making my way in. The entryway had Maz's statue and I chuckled at it. I'd never seen her look that proportionately tall before. I was convinced she was just going to eventually shrink out of existence. Walking under all those colorful flags and being able to recognize so many almost put a little spring in my step. A spring that became tightly coiled once I actually entered the castle.

It was crowded and noisy and smelled of a variety of alien and human body odors and strange foods from around the Galaxy. I played it cool, making my way to the bar through the path of least resistance, the last thing I needed was for Maz to notice me. Han might not recognize me but crazy old Maz sure would. I carefully kept an eye for my... well, for Han and the girl and the droid.

I sat at the bar and ordered something he'd probably made a hundred times that day just to be sure I wasn't memorable. In a place like this you didn't want to look around too much, it seems to be an invitation for just anyone to come up and see if they're what you're looking for. I pretended to sip my drink quietly and just listened.

"HAN SOLO!"

I nearly jumped, the ice cubes tinkling in my glass seemed loud as a hush fell over the place. I ventured a glance over my shoulder and saw Han, the girl and the Storm Trooper in the doorway looking down at, an even smaller than last time, Maz.

'Huh, I beat them,' I thought as I turned away again and tried to act casual.

Keeping my ears on them I heard Maz asking about Chewie as she led them all to a table. I also picked up a droid informing the resistance of BB-8's sighting, as well as a woman alerting the first order.

Just then, some dirty something or other came up and tried to hit on me, asking if he could buy me another drink. I pointed to my ears with a shrug and made a few motions with my hands as if I were deaf and he immediately backed off.

"A map. To Skywalker himself? You are right back in the mess," Maz was saying when I finally turned my attention back to them.

"Maz, I need you to get this droid to Leia," Han sighed, ignoring her jab.

"Hmm... No,"I almost smiled at Maz's response. "You've been running away from this fight for too long. Han. Go home!"

"Leia doesn't wanna see me," Han sheepishly pointed out.

'Gee, I wonder why?'

"Please, we came here for your help," the Storm Trooper pleaded.

"What fight?" The girl asked curiously.

"The only fight," Maz began to explain to her. "Against the dark side. Through the ages... I've seen evil take many forms. The Sith. The Empire. Today, it is the First Order. Their shadow is spreading across the galaxy. We must face them. Fight them. All of us."

My expression tightened.

'No, not all of you. Not if I can help it.'

"There is no fight against the First Order. Not one we can win," the former Storm Trooper began spitting truth. "Look around. There's no chance we haven't been recognized already. I bet you the First Order is on their way right... What's this? What are you doing? Solo, what is she doing?"

I heard a lot of clattering. Probably Maz getting up close and personal, staring into his soul and all that.

"I dunno, but it ain't good," Han mumbled.

"If you live long enough... you see the same eyes in different people. I'm looking at the eyes of a man who wants to run," Maz explained.

'Can you blame him?'

"You don't know a thing about me. Where I'm from. What I've seen. You don't know the First Order like I do. They'll slaughter us. We all need to run," he said seriously.

I was darn near proud of him, standing up to the old apricot like that. Lord knows I wasn't so tough the first time I met her.

'FN-2187, but Poe named him Finn. Geez! I don't need to know that!'

"Hmm. You see those two? They'll trade work for transportation... to the Outer Rim. There, you can disappear," Maz informed him.

I had to stop myself from pulling a face and turning around to aim it at her. Already just giving up on him too, huh?

It sounded like Finn got up with Rey on his heels. Oh great. I was using proper names for everyone now.

"Finn?" She pulled him to a less crowded edge of the room.

"Come with me," he sounded resolute but I could hear the pleading in his voice.

"What about BB-8? We're not done yet. We have to get him back to your base," she reminded him and I heard a flutter of desperation in hers.

"I can't."

"Hey, you look pretty lonely," some hulking thing said to me, taking an empty seat and distracting me from what was going on. "You here by yourself?"

"No, and you're in his seat," I lied and took the opportunity to look around for Rey and Finn.

I a bit of him telling her that he was a Storm Trooper but this guy kept interrupting. Time for a good ol 'Jedi Mind Trick'.

"You're gonna leave me alone now," I told him.

"I'll leave you alone now," he repeated, getting up and leaving.

Rey was standing there as Finn walked away. It was now or never. She turned when she heard the scream. Good, it was working. I just had to get her to touch the lightsaber, the force would take care of the rest.

BB-8 followed her curiously as she descended the stairs to the storage room, and I followed him. Crouching around the corner at the top of the stairs I egged her on to the right room.

'Aaaaand...' there was a sharp gasp. 'There she goes.'

I smiled to myself as I stood up and turned to leave before anyone came looking for her. I made it out of stuffy, loud castle into the fresh air of the courtyard at let out a small sigh. I expected to feel good, accomplished. My plan was finally working. Wasn't it? It didn't feel like it. In fact... I had quite a bad feeling bubbling up. I froze by Maz's statue under all the colors and tried to figure it out. Very carefully I reached out to search the force. Something very, very bad was about to happen, but I couldn't tell where.

I heard quick steps behind me and turned in time to see Rey run by like Devil was after her. What now?

I launched into a jog to follow her but she was really hauling it out into the woods. I made it to the gate when my bad feeling became overwhelming and nearly brought me to my knees. I turned and looked up at the sky over the lake, a few planets visible even in the daylight.

'What is it?'

My eyes flicked over to a spark of red, a spark that kept growing. It stretched through the sky at a terrifying speed, branching off into four arms. The realization hit me. Those planets were Hosnian Prime, home to the senate- the New Order government, their fleet.

My hand flew up to cover my mouth as each planet was mercilessly destroyed right in front of me. Suddenly I was surrounded by others looking up in astonishment at the broken sky.

There was a sharp blast and everyone startled, it was as if the sound of the destruction had finally reached us, but that wasn't the case. A TIE fighter went screaming by and blasted Maz's castle, its highest point toppling down into the court yard. Everyone started running as blast after blast hit from the swarming fighters. I took off for my speeder, carefully dodging debris and blaster fire. A large chunk of the castle was about to fall on a group of people attempting to hide. Not thinking much I changed the trajectory of a nearby blaster bolt to hit it and break it up. The good news is no one was hurt except for my speeder.

"Oh Max," I groaned sadly as I skidded to a halt.

Looking over my shoulder I saw now that a carrier had landed and a dozen storm troopers littered the path between me and Lola. With a grim determination, I made my way through the fray.

"Just block," I told myself as I whizzed by Storm Troopers, dodging blasters and debris, focused only on getting out alive.

But a new bad feeling had taken over and I slid behind a sturdy rock at the edge of the forest to try and figure it out. I crouched there panting and felt his presence. Kylo Ren was here. Great, now I had to hide my own presence from him too. My force use was maxed out. I had no choice but to hunker down here and wait it out just like I did on Jakku, and I hated it.

Suddenly a new sound was tearing through the sky, the TIE fighters screams dying off one by one. I ventured a peek from behind my boulder and was awarded a view of some of the most elegant flying I'd ever seen. An X-wing was making its way through the battle field, each move putting it in line with the next target like a lethal ballet dance. I took advantage of the resistance's arrival to escape my hiding place and try to make it through the woods to my ship. I was skimming over the unlevel ground, dodging trees and branches when the sound of a saber made me stop in my tracks. I dove behind a thick stump and calmed my breathing.

'He's not after you, he can't see you, remember? You're blocking yourself.'

Still, I was too uneasy to move. I heard a blaster and the saber moving farther and farther away until it was very faint.

"Are you ok?"

I jumped as I heard the blips and beeps of a droid right over me. I looked up into the mono lense of a recognizable little ball.

"BB-8?" I breathed in a 'What are you doing here?' tone.

He let out a surprised little squeak.

"You know my name? Who are you?"

I stood up, giving myself time to think of an answer.

"I know Poe, I rescued him from Jakku when he crashed coming back for you," the innocence of the droid made me feel obliged to be honest.

"Poe is alive?!" He screamed happily as he rolled around on the stump.

"Hey, be quite," I scolded him. "The First Order is still looking for you."

"Oh right. Sorry." He beeped quietly.

It was too late though, a trooper had spotted us.

"Halt!" He yelled and fired his blaster at me.

I turned sideways just in time to miss the shot but he was aiming for BB-8 now. I had a few steps to get my momentum started before going horizontal using both feet to kick BB-8 out of the way, the shot grazing the outside of my right thigh instead of destroying the droid.

'This droid is just as much trouble as his master,' I grimaced as I forced myself to get up and run after the fleeing ball. 'Why did I even do that??'

I was limping terribly as I ran after the white and orange blur ahead of me and wished I could use the force to make it easier on myself but Kylo Ren was still here, I couldn't risk him finding me. I couldn't make any ripples in the force.

All of this had confused me so badly that it took me much too long to realize I'd done the stupidest thing possible. Why was I following the droid? He was going straight back to the resistance! That's not the direction I wanted to go! I blamed the droid and who it belonged to.

Back at the wreckage of Maz's castle, things were fairly contained. The resistance seemed to be winning this fight. I slowed to a hobble and let myself fall onto a semi comfortable looking but of rubble. Sure blasters cauterize the skin they hit, but all that running had torn the skin and I was bleeding all down my leg. I hissed as I pressed my hand to it. I couldn't force heal just yet and I wasn't sure igniting my saber right here for the temporary fix of recauterizing it was a good idea. I'd just have to wait for Ren to leave and force heal enough to walk back to Lola since my speeder was destroyed.

It was not a good day.

Suddenly I heard Finn yelling and looked up to see him running in the opposite direction of where I was. Following his line of sight I noticed the black, billowing robes of Kylo Ren as he carried an unconscious Rey aboard his ship.

I sighed in relief as I laid back on the stone. At least those two finally got together. I'd set the wheel in motion, now it was just a waiting game. And tweaking in case anything came along to try and mess it up.

Kylo's ship was departing and I was almost in the clear to use force healing. Maybe just laying here playing dead would keep me safe till the resistance left too, I was so tired. I had closed my eyes and got to healing when I heard it, the faint beeping of a BB unit.

"Where is she?" A faint but familiar voice questioned.

Did that little droid go get me help?

"Hope?!"

No!

My eyes shot open, hoping that I hadn't heard what I thought I heard but alas, my ears were correct.

A panting, bright eyed Poe Dameron, ruiner of everything, was standing over me.

"Hope!"

"You."

We spoke over each other.

He was smiling widely at me as he offered his hand.

"I didn't know I'd be seeing you again so soon," he remarked as he pulled me up to a sitting position.

"Me neither," I agreed with some chagrin, grimacing at the pain in my leg.

Poe knelt in front of me and looked down.

"Oh my gosh," Poe exclaimed, the happiness on his face replaced with a frown and creased brows. "You're hurt!"

I followed his gaze to my leg and saw I had indeed bled all over the rock.

"Oh," I stated. "It's not really that bad."

He raised a brow halfway up his forehead like I'd just said the most ridiculous thing in the world.

"I'm assuming that's the blood loss talking," he almost grinned. "You need medical attention. Come on, I'll get you help."

"Oh don't bother, I have med supplies on my ship, I'm used to taking care of myself. I'll just walk it off," I pathetically tried to convince him.

He looked genuinely confused now, mouth open, brows furrowed and head cocked to the side.

"Walk it off?" He repeated. "No, you need to stop making excuses or I'll start taking it personally."

'It is personal.'

"Now, you've save me and my droid, let me start making it up to you by getting you the best medical services the resistance has to offer," he smiled at me again before grabbing my wrist and sliding himself under my arm before I could protest.

His other arm wrapped around my waist and he got me on my feet much too easily.

"Can- can you just walk me to my ship?" I asked, panic rising as he towed me closer to the other resistance fighters.

He chuckled.

"What's the rush, your highness?"

Oh dear, he was using that again.

I left off healing my leg so I could try to mind trick him, instantly the pain made me lean farther into him.

"You will take me back to my ship," I said through my teeth.

"I'll get you back to your ship after you've seen a doctor, don't worry about it."

'WHAT?!'

It didn't work?! How could it not work?!

I couldn't help turning my head to look at him, wondering just what the heck he could be that made him immune. He noticed at turned to me with a lazy half smile, his face much too close to mine.

"What, you scared of needles or something?" He asked. I reengaged Force healing and was able to lean away from him.

"Hope?" Came an all too familiar voice and my guts went weightless.

"Or something," I repeated as I saw Leia standing in front of us.

Poe brightened up.

"General, you know Hope?" He asked excitedly.

The look she gave me was cutting and suddenly I was a little girl again. My heart was orbiting my stomach uncomfortably.

"I used to," she finally stated, the disappointment in her tone went through me.

"Poe, step away from her," she commanded.

Poe turned a skeptical face to me but didn't even loosen his grip as Leia motioned two men over.

"Why, what's going on?" Poe asked with that easy going boyish grin.

"She's dangerous," Leia replied though she was looking at me.

It was my turn to look confused. Since when was I considered dangerous? Poe and I actually exchanged a glance of matching bafflement before he chuckled and turned his attention back to her.

"General, she's the one that saved me on Jakku, you sent her?" His statement sounded more like a question as I felt him grip my wrist a little harder.

Leia gave him a look.

"I never sent anyone to Jakku for you," she informed him. "You knew the risks of that mission. So, what you should be asking yourself is: why was she on Jakku then?"

He was giving me that genuinely confused expression again but there was something sharper behind it, like I had betrayed him, like the line 'say it ain't so' was about to escape his lips.

I don't know why but that hurt me too. He slid slowly out from under my arm as the two other men grabbed me and fettered my wrists. I couldn't believe it, Leia was taking me prisoner? I held back tears as I looked back up at her with mild disbelief at this. Without a word she turned away from me and I hobbled as the two men forced me along behind her. I glanced at Poe and he seemed to shake himself out of his confused trance.

"Hey, she's still hurt," he barked at the men as he came around to my right side now. "I'll take it from here." He replaced the man who had hold of my right arm, putting a hand under my armpit and one under my elbow.

"Put your weight on me," he instructed, though a little begrudgingly.

I just kinda stared at him, not sure why he was being kind to me after what Leia had just said. He glanced over at me and just as quickly looked away, those thick brows furrowed deeper than ever.

"I still owe you, don't I?" He sighed.

I didn't say anything, just ducked my head for the first time in a long time at this less than warm welcome home.


	6. Reunited and it Feels like Crap

Resistance fighters stared at me in curiosity as I was escorted onto one of their smaller transport ships.

"Mistress Hope!" Cried an all too familiar metallic voice. "How good it is to see you again! We all thought you were dead but I'm so glad that is not the case. My, how you've grown."

With drooping shoulders and a heavy sigh I was towed past the protocol droid C3PO.

"Come on 3, you know I hate the 'Mistress' thing," I reminded him.

"Of course, my apologies," he said as he scurried after us.

Poe was looking between 3PO, Leia and me in curiosity again and I dreaded the questions he'd eventually ask. Unlike Leia, he didn't know any of my tragic backstory. But the whole time Leia presumed me dead I had not even spoken aloud the rest of my story and I wasn't sure I could, even if I wanted to.

"In here," Leia gestured to a room.

Poe stopped and had a firm grip on me so that I was pulled uncomfortably by the other man who actually tried to obey her command.

"Shouldn't we be taking her to the med bay?" He questioned, winning this game of tug of war.

Leia gave him a confused look.

"What for?"

His brows shot up and he looked down at my leg.

"She's hurt," he pointed out, almost sounding annoyed.

"She'll be fine, she can use the force to heal it," Leia informed him.

He actually chuckled at this, causing me to give him a sideways glance.

"I think you might have the wrong girl, General. She can't be force sensitive, I mean, she got shot trying to save BB-8. Look," he said taking his hand off my elbow to pull something from his pocket.

It was a familiar tin of lip balm which he proceeded to toss right at my face, catching it again as it bounced off my forehead. I was dumbfounded.

"If she was force sensitive she could have caught that," he clarified.

"So you throw things at my face?" I questioned, fully aware he intended for it to hit me to prove his point.

Even Leia stood there looking at him as if deciding what to demote him to, before turning her gaze to me, her expression melting into something softer.

"It looks like we have a lot to talk about," she said and motioned us into the room again.

The other man and I turned and looked at Poe to see if he'd obey this time. His expression was stoic.

"I'll be ok," I said to him before gently pulling my arm he had a hold on.

He glanced between me and my wound before turning to Leia again. Finally he sighed and got moving, but I could tell this was bothering him.

I was seated at a table with Leia, Poe standing by her side even though there were other seats. C3PO stood by me and the other man was dismissed, shutting the door behind him. The awkwardness was weighing heavily on me now as I avoided their gazes, fiddling with my shackles.

"Mistress Hope," C3PO broke the awkwardness in a way that made me cringe. "I am most curious how you escaped the destruction of-"

"3!" I complained, using my old nickname for him. "Mute yourself please."

"So sorry, miss Hope," he corrected himself, not getting my point. "But the destruction of the Jedi temple left us believing you were dead-"

"Jedi temple?" Poe repeated softly, his crossed arms falling to his sides. "You're a Jedi?"

"No," I answered.

"Well, not exactly," Leia corrected and I winced. She looked at me, giving me a chance to explain but I wouldn't meet her gaze.

"Hope is force sensitive and was trained by her parents to use both the light and the dark side. Which is why I'm concerned now, since the only others who survived all went to the dark side," the latter part of her explanation was aimed at me.

I finally looked up at her, understanding what this was about.

"I didn't join him," I assured her calmly.

"Are we talking about Kylo Ren here?" Poe questioned. "You know him?"

I nodded and watched his mouth gape for a moment.

"How did you survive then?" Leia pressed.

I bit my lips, lightly shaking my head. This was the part I hadn't told anyone before.

"He spared me," I began, clearing my throat because my voice sounded tight. "Because... we were friends."

"Friends?" Poe repeated incredulously. "With Kylo Ren?"

"He wasn't Kylo Ren when I knew him," I pointed out. "I was friends with Ben Solo."

Poe's eyes widened and he turned ever so slowly to Leia, it was like he was hearing this for the first time.

"Solo?" He repeated.

She gave him a stern look.

"Later, Dameron," she warned him.

Leia turned back to me with a frustrated sigh.

"What happened?" She pleaded.

I wasn't going to get out of this one now, and I felt the hot tears behind my eyes. I took a deep breath and tried to keep myself composed.

"It," I started but had to take another breath as a lump formed in my throat. "It was hard for me there," I confessed.

"I know you did what you thought was best for me, and it's not that I'm not grateful," the words spilled out quickly and I tried to slow down. "But, I didn't belong there. I did my best but I couldn't agree with the Jedi ways after what my parents had taught me. I was always in trouble with Master Skywalker, the other students avoided me like a plague- Ben was the only one who tried to understand."

I breathed a sigh of relief that I was able to get through that without tears shed.

Leia leaned forward, looking me in the eye.

"You've been using the force to block out Snoke this whole time, haven't you?" She stated more than asked. "And you were using the force to heal your leg in the hallway, that's why you let Dameron throw that thing in your face. You're always hiding."

I bit my lips. That was the hard part, hiding from Snoke all day, and even in my sleep, for years. Enduring was hard, but the thought of giving up or failing was a terrifying motivator.

"Yeah," I sighed.

"So what have you been doing all these years, why didn't you come back?" She asked.

My whole little life was saved by someone knocking on the door and requesting the General's presence.

"Keep an eye on her Dameron," Leia said as she got up. "Oh, and you can take those things off now."

Poe thought she was speaking to him and reached for my shackles but I knew better.

"Finally," I sighed, using the force to unlock them, handing them over the Poe nonchalantly.

He stared at them in disbelief, the General making her escape in the mean time.

"General!" He snapped to. "I don't think you should leave me alone with her!"

But the door closed in his face.

Poe: Can You Believe This False Hope?

I turned back to the girl who sat there calmly, swiveling slightly in her seat. When I'd first met her and she said her name was Hope I thought it was a good sign. We threw around the word hope a lot in the rebellion, it was in almost every catch phrase and motivation speech we had. But now she sat there, apparently some Jedi and Sith combo fully capable of removing her own handcuffs, and I didn't trust her as far as I could throw her. Cautiously I made my way back over, tossing the handcuffs on the table and taking Leia's seat in front of her.

"So," I started. "What were you really doing on Jakku?"

She sighed, crossing her arms and legs, never making eye contact.

"Can we please take a break from all the questions?" She requested with a tired edge in her voice.

I looked down and saw the wound on her leg again, she'd crossed her right leg over her left. It looked so bad, her whole pant leg a rusty red. Knowing the pain of an untreated wound I couldn't just let it go.

"Are you sure you don't need anything for that? If you just answer me about Jakku I'll take you to the med bay," I promised.

She looked at me then.

"You'd disobey Leia?" She asked surprised.

I nodded to the handcuffs on the table.

"I don't think much would stop you from leaving if you wanted to, so... you must not want to," I observed.

She eyed me with an air of caution before sinking back into her seat.

I sighed.

"Ok then, can we at least do something about your leg so I don't have to look at it anymore?"

She uncrossed all her limbs and awkwardly threw her injured leg over the arm rest of her chair, contorting to get a better view of it. I'd never seen a human bend that way. Then all of a sudden she had her fingers between her skin and the tear in her pants, hands all over that open wound.

"What are you doing?" I asked as I jumped up and grabbed her wrist to stop her.

"It's not really hurt anymore, it's just like peeling off a sunburn. A really really gross sun burn," she explained.

With that she schluffed off some dried blood and crispy bits of skin to reveal healthy pink skin underneath. I was sickened but curious so I suppressed my gag reflex and tentatively touched the revealed skin.

"Mhm, ok stop that," she said shooing my hand away now and pulled a bandana out of one of her pockets.

She cleaned off the rest, catching it all neatly in the bandana, her skin glowing through the gaping tear in her pant leg.

"Better?" She asked me.

I didn't have a good answer for that, it was one of the grossest and most fascinating things I'd ever seen. When I didn't answer her she examined her leg again.

"Um, if you're still up to bartering, I might answer some questions if you took me to my ship so I could wash up and change clothes till Leia decides what to do with me," she offered, not looking at me at all.

"You want a new pair of pants?" I asked. "I could get you that here."

"I can't take your things, The Resistance needs everything they have. Besides, I really like my things," she explained. "I'll give you ... mmm 8 yes or no questions, what do you say?"

"10," I counter offered.

"Fine."

"Ok, deal," I leaned forward and offered my hand to shake on it.

She looked from my hand to me and paused, running her tongue over her teeth before finally shaking on it. She leaned back and watched me, waiting for my first question.

"Ok, so," I thought carefully, a little distracted by her blue eyes finally staring at me unwavering. "Are you with the resistance at all?"

"No."

"Are you against the resistance?"

"No."

I thought hard about what to ask that could be answered yes or no. She patiently waited, swiveling slightly in her seat.

"Did you ever do one of those mind tricks on me?"

She squinted and made a humming noise.

"No?"

My eyes widened.

"What does that mean?"

"I tried once but it didn't work, I'll give you that question for free, you have 7 left."

I scoffed. She'd tried and it didn't work? Why didn't it work? When did she try? Come on, Dameron, focus. Yes or no.

"Did you... rescue me for a reason?"

"Yes."

"Were you on Jakku for me specifically?"

"No," she replied more adamantly than before and I almost felt offended.

"Were you there for the map to Skywalker?"

"Mmm I guess yes."

I shook my head in confusion. I only had four questions left, I had to make them count. Suddenly one came to mind and I didn't quite like it.

"Were you ever at the village where Lor San Tekka lived?"

She stopped swiveling and looked at me for just a moment too long before answering.

"Yes," she said quietly.

My jaw tightened and I felt my blood pressure rise.

"Were you there when I was captured and the village slaughtered?" I asked her darkly, already feeling like I knew the answer.

She wasn't looking at me now and didn't say anything, biting her lips instead.

"You were there," I answered for her, standing as I began seeing red. "You were there and you could have done something to save them, you have the force! Why didn't you help them?!"

"It's not that I didn't want to, I couldn't," she said in earnest with a splash of guilt. "Kylo Ren can't know what I'm doing, and I don't fight."

"You don't fight?" I yelled at her, she flinched.

"You're a coward."

I turned away, unable to look at her anymore. How did I ever trust her? How did I ever believe she was something good?

"FN-2187," her small voice reached my ears.

Slowly I turned back to her, not sure what she was on about now.

"What?" I breathed.

"FN-2187. The Storm Trooper who helped you escape. The one you named Finn," she said, an odd vacant look in her eyes. "You saw him today and you called him a good man."

"He is a good man," I stated, confused about how she knew this.

Finally her eyes came back into focus on mine.

"To me... they're all Finn."


	7. Detour of Details

"You know this guy too?" Poe asked, right by my ear.

"I don't think so," I murmured as I stared at the newcomer, trying to find something familiar about him.

"You don't remember me, Hope?" He smirked down at me, his eyebrows drawing together in mock offense. "That almost hurts my feelings."

"What, all two of them?" I quipped back.

"Hey," Poe warned me. "He doesn't look like he's here to ask you on a date, do us a favor and don't tick him off."

I had forgotten I wasn't alone and had to think about defending Poe too. When it was just me it was so much easier, I only had to use the force to protect myself. Now I was outnumbered 3 to 1 and I wasn't liking those odds.

"It's kind of like a date," the giant shrugged. "If you want to call it that you can. Maybe it'll give you the illusion you had a choice in going."

"I don't have a choice?" I repeated, brows raised. "Why do you think that?"

"Because..." he took a step closer and the end of his staff didn't just rest harmlessly on the ground as anyone would expect, but landed right on Poe's ankle, the latter hollering in pain. "I just poisoned your friend here and you have to come with me to get the antidote."

I was stunned, just staring at Poe writhing in pain on the ground beneath me.

"You couldn't see that coming?!" He complained. "You didn't even try!"

"I didn't," I admitted as I just stared absently at his ankle, a few red puncture marks visible.

I don't know how I missed that, I hadn't seen it coming at all. What was wrong with me? Things just seemed to go wrong whenever Poe was around, this was the second time the force seemed to just not work.

"Well," I said, slapping my thighs as I stood up. "Ok then, where we headed?"

Poe was cursing me out in another language.

I heard voices coming up behind the new guy, which he responded to by twirling his staff around and smashing the control panel beside the door, causing it to close.

"That way," he pointed behind us with the staff now.

I helped Poe up and we followed Lucious and the giant. After passing through a few rooms we stopped in front of a blank wall that was the outer hull of the ship. To the best of my knowledge the forest was right beyond it. Poe limped beside me with a seemingly permanent scowl. I was pretty sure he was going to hate me forever now.

The giant glanced at me, a hint of mischief lighting his eyes. He reached a hand out to me and wagged his fingers in a 'give it' way. I gave him a 'what?' arched brow. His eyes glanced at my hip where my saber was. I frowned at him and handed it over begrudgingly.

To my surprise, he took it and twisted the bottom of the hilt igniting, not the purple crystal, but the white. He thrust it through the wall and started cutting out a doorway.

"White?" Poe questioned beside me, the scowl replaced with confusion. "Why is it white?"

"You don't know anything, do you?" The giant scoffed, nearly done with his task.

"Excuse me?" Poe challenged, squaring his shoulders.

The man stood and powered down the saber, tossing me the hilt. Both men were looking at me now and I didn't say a word.

"Are you gonna tell him or should I?" He asked me before kicking the wall down with a loud bang.

"The less he knows, the better off he'll be," I said as I followed Lucious and his master out into the forest, Poe following behind me, still wincing about his ankle.

"Cut the mystic Jedi crap, alright?" Poe complained.

"It's not Jedi, that's the point," The man grinned at him. "Green and blue sabers are associated with the Jedi order and red with the Sith."

"I knew that much," Poe muttered.

We came up to an odd, yet familiar vehicle. It sat six wheels on the ground, a rare thing to see compared to every hover vehicle. And it told me exactly what I'd just gotten into.

"Hope isn't with either of them," the tall man clarified.

When he said my name I finally remembered him. He'd looked much much different back then for sure. Before I could say anything about it though, Poe swayed beside me and passed out, tipping over my direction. I tried to catch him but the sturdy little guy took me down with him and I landed on my back with the wind knocked out of me. Tarrin, that was his name, came over and easily picked Poe up off of me and set him in the vehicle.

"So, Tarrin," I sighed as I propped myself up on my elbows. "You grew up nicely."

"Thanks for noticing," he smiled as he extended a hand to help me up.

"Gonna try and make me queen again?"

"Something like that."

Poe: New Perspectives

I woke up to a throbbing in my head and a gently nudging to my chest. After a moment I heard her voice calling my name. It was like coming up for air after being under water too long. Gasping, I bolted upright, everything looking blurry and out of focus. But somehow I felt calm and my breathing soon stabilized, a warmth spreading from the two hands pressed to my chest. A sharp electric popping filled my ears and when my vision stopped being doubled I saw Hope right in front of my face.

Her brows were drawn slightly, putting a hint of concern on her face, and I saw a shock collar around her neck. My eyes trailed to her hands on my chest, just pulling away now, and they were bound with shock cuffs as well.

"You ok?" She asked me, that huge guy from earlier standing behind her.

I took a second to notice we were in a tent and I wasn't bound in any way, only she was. The crackling had stopped which made me assume she'd done something to set it off when she touched me.

"Yeah," I groaned, rubbing my eyes. "I thought I was a goner there."

"Don't worry, you were never gonna die," Hope said with a hint of irritation but it wasn't directed at me. "It wasn't deadly poison, just something that puts you in a type of coma until you get the antidote."

"That's comforting, I was definitely not willing to die for you," as soon as the words left my mouth a huge hand seized my throat.

"You watch your mouth," the guy warned me with a fire in his eyes as Hope grabbed his arm and began pleading for him to let go.

"Tarrin! Let go!" Hope asserted and the electric crackling came back until she winced.

That made him let go of me and I coughed.

"Why are you defending your prisoners honor?" I asked confused as I rubbed my throat.

"She's not my prisoner, she willing put on the shackles as an act of good faith that she wouldn't escape after we woke you up. And, if you weren't such a clueless idiot, you wouldn't disrespect a hero like her," the guy, Tarrin I'm guessing, jabbed me in the chest a few times to make his points. It hurt like a punch each time.

She rolled her eyes as she caught her own breath from the electric shock she'd just received.

"That's enough," she tried to say, but he spoke over her.

"She's the Star Tripper," he clarified.

My eyes widened as I looked back at her with her head hung low, hands braced on her knees, as if ashamed of being the most talked about vigilante in the galaxy.

"She's the Star Tripper?" I asked Tarrin as I pointed at her. "The one who steals from the arms dealers and rebuilds the towns and villages destroyed by the first order? That's her?"

"You really don't know anything do you?" Tarrin narrowed his eyes at me then. "It's not just the first order, the resistance leaves wreckage in its wake as well."

I had nothing to say to that. Luckily Hope spoke up.

"That's enough. We made a deal, you got me and he goes free," she said, standing upright again. "So release him."

"Gladly," Tarrin consented and opened the flap in the tent, gesturing for me to leave.

I glanced at Hope without making a move. She stared back at me and finally made a motion with her eyes toward the opening.

'Get out of here!' Her eyes said.

"What are you gonna do with her?" I asked, swinging my legs over the side of the cot but not getting up. I could feel her roll her eyes.

"It's none of your business, but we're going to make her our leader," Tarrin said before pointing again for me to get out.

"You have to kidnap your leaders?" I asked, confused. "What, you guys suck that bad at what you do?"

"Poe!" Hope snapped. "For force sake, just go while he still allows it. Go back to the rebels and Leia and BB-8."

There was a pleading in her eyes that begged me to go, but there was a feeling growing into a resolve within me.

"I don't just leave people behind. Sorry pal, you a two-fer," I said as I crossed my ankles and got comfy.

"Oh you insufferable little-" Hope groaned before grabbing me by my flight suit and trying to forcefully drag me out.

She got me to the opening despite my best efforts to resist her, but then she crumpled under the electric current again. I caught her and threw her over my shoulder, stepping out of the tent into the bright light. As my eyes adjusted I saw I was vastly outnumbered.

"Listen," I said to Tarrin in the most diplomatic tone I could muster. "She was a prisoner of the Resistance first, but... I owe her a life debt."

"You don't owe me anything, put me d- ow! Hey!" She hollered when I smacked the back of her thigh to shut her up.

"I just want to make sure I'm leaving her in good hands, alright?" I tried to stall.

"He could kill you, like, so easily, it's not even funny. You need to just go- ow! Stop that!" She tried to escape me but the electricity buzzed again and she slumped back down. It must measure exertion.

Tarrin smirked humorlessly at me.

"Alright, you can stay for the celebration," he acquiesced, crossing his thick arms. "And if you survive it we'll let you leave afterward. Just because she seems to really want you to."

With a nod to him I set Hope back on her feet, my hands landing on her waist to steady her. Tarrin yelled something for everyone to hear which made them all cheer and scurry off busily.

"Dameron, I was trying to help you, jeez," Her face was red as she scolded me, pushing my hands away.

"And I'm trying to help you," I told her. "We'll get out of here together and you're coming back to the resistance with me."

"It would be easier for me to escape without you! They've tried this a few times before and they never learn, I'd be free by dawn," she explained.

"If it's that easy then we'll both be free by dawn. I'm not letting you out of my sight till I know if I can trust you," I told her, only realizing as the words came out that I wanted a reason to trust her, I was hoping for it.

She stared at me like she was resigning herself to this fate.

"Follow my lead and don't, absolutely do not drink anything they give you," she said after heaving a big sigh.


	8. Please Take Me Out of the Spotlight

Poe Dameron was going to be the death of me. I'd never been so confused by one human being before, he was all over the map. At first he had this flirty air with me, then when he found out about me being force sensitive it seemed like he genuinely hated me. And now he's sticking around, refusing to leave me, trying to figure out if he can trust me? If ever I actually needed someone to leave me, it was him.

Poe was a ways to my left, easily spotted in his bright orange flight suit. He was surrounded by the young girls who had come and put a wreath of flowers over my neck and upon my head. They placed one on his head as well, the white and pale pink flowers standing out amongst his black curls. He looked really good, though the thought made me gag. He glanced at me, still wearing the smile he had given the girls and I turned away. When would I be rid of him?

A few bonfires had been lit farther from where I sat and food prepared on them. Now Tarrin approached the stack of wood closest to where I sat and held up a lit torch. The crowd grew silent and turned to him.

"Today we have the Star Tripper!" He announced, earning cheers from the people. "Let us honor her by remembering what she has done for us."

He gave Poe a pointed look as he chucked the torch at the pyre and it instantly turned into a roaring fire. Drum beats began to play as children in costume came forward to put on a play. I noticed Tarrin drag Poe closer and sit him in a seat near mine, saying something about him getting a good look at this. A small wave of embarrassment went through me.

"Many years ago," Tarrin began, the little nomadic looking children holding their crude weapons. "We lived on a beautiful planet called Dantooine. Though we were strong people, our simple way of life made us weak to those who would take our home from us."

Two children in an AT-AT costume lurched out and attacked the others. The first children faked their deaths and more came out to destroy the AT-AT, picking at it and examining pieces. An adult reached over and drug the fallen children out of the scene, more advanced looking ones taking their place.

"We learned from our enemies and tried to create new allies, and made contact with refugees of the new order," Tarrin said as the children mimed sending a message and more children appeared.

"But the Yuuzhan Vong massacred both groups," some absolutely terrifying looking children came out, painted blue and very spiky, and carried out the act Tarrin described.

"Our people were almost wiped out completely," he said as a few Dantarian children shakily got up. "But we were now weaker than ever. We were easily taken and enslaved by a Hutt arms dealer, forced to make weapons... for the resistance," Tarrin said, glancing at Poe.

A child dressed as a particularly ugly Hutt that I remember well, slithered his way onto the scene, pretending to whip the children working on a small X Wing fighter.

I actually felt a wave of discomfort come from Poe and glanced at him to see him visibly tense.

"Then one day," Tarrin moved on, excitement building in his tone. "A Garoo, a savior appeared."

A little girl dressed like me and wielding a purple painted stick appeared on the scene. She fought the guards into submission, then confronted the Hutt.

"She forced the Hutt to free his slaves, and we escaped in the very ships we had been made to build. She brought us to a new, green home world where we could live simply again. She bartered a deal with Maz, the X Wings for our land and to keep the secret of our existence."

Little me and a very tiny Maz shook hands before all the children came out and bowed to the audience. A round of applause went around that was more directed at me than the children, and I shrank back from it. I motioned for the children to come closer and they all scurried over, sitting down around me, the girl who played me joining me on my humble throne. I placed my crown of flowers on her head and noticed Poe staring at me.

Tarrin stood front and center now.

"Our new home has gone without threat for 9 years, we were safe until today. But when our enemies returned, so did our savior!" He yelled and everyone cheered again, louder than before. "And it is now that we wish to join the fight, to protect our people once and for all. And we will do it under the leadership of our Garoo! She has been called away from us before to help other defenseless peoples like we once were. Now we will go and fight her battles with her!"

The people began clapping and chanting 'Garoo' their word for a specially wise and powerful leader.

I could see Poe in my peripheral vision still staring at me, and I ran my hands over my face. I stood up and the chant died down to silence.

"A Garoo cannot lie," I began. "So I won't lie to you. For 9 years you were safe here without me. Since I brought you here, you haven't needed me. The truth is, you're doing just fine without me, and that's what I wanted. I don't want you to leave your home and your families and all this safety to come 'fight my battles' with me. If you want a Garoo, you already have a great one."

I gestured to Tarrin.

"If you want something to celebrate, let's celebrate you. Let's celebrate your children and your lives. Long live the Dantari!" My last words coupled with a small nudge from the Force achieved the desired result.

"Long live the Dantari!" Everyone yelled before breaking out in cheers and music and dancing. Finally their partying was under way.

"So," Poe said, appearing at my side. "What is your lead that I should be following?"

"Have fun, keep the party going, don't drink the moon juice, and skiddadle when everyone's passed out," I told him softly so as not to be overheard.

"As you say, Garoo," he lightly smirked at me before the children led him off and attempted to teach him the dances.

Tarrin came up on my other side and looked at Poe with mild disdain before taking my fettered hand in his.

"Just tell me your reasons for leaving us have nothing to do with that guy," he said as he unlocked the fetter on my left wrist.

"Garoo's don't lie," I reminded him as he unlocked the right.

"Yeah, but you're not our Garoo," he said sadly.

"Doesn't mean I'd lie," I tried to assure him. "I was your Garoo for a day, and I gave you your orders. Does that work for you?"

He stared down at me, the disappointment that had once been there melting away a little. He reached up and unlocked the collar, taking it off of me as well which was a relief. I gingerly rubbed it with my right hand as I rolled my neck around a little. Then I felt Tarrin's hand on the other side of my neck, startling me into freezing. He brushed his thumb against my jaw before retracting his hand altogether.

When Tarrin walked away, a woman offered me a glass of moon juice, the hard liquor they made themselves. Between Poe and Tarrin I felt like I needed something so I took the cup. All I did was dip my finger in the drink and put that in my mouth. Instantly I shuddered as the heat spread through my mouth and down my throat. It went straight to my head.

"Blech," I shivered again as I set the cup by my chair.

"What was that about?" Poe was standing right there when I straightened up, making me jump.

"I didn't drink it," I said, taking a step back from him.

"No, I meant Tarrin," Poe clarified, looking a little amused. "Did you break his heart?"

"No," I rolled my eyes.

"That's not what it looked like from where I was standing," Poe shrugged.

"Then go stand somewhere else," I mumbled as I fanned myself, stepping away from the fire then realizing that put me closer to Poe and having to step awkwardly away from him too.

Poe actually laughed at this, his teeth gleaming white in the twilight and the fire glowing in his dark eyes.

"You're just so bad at being the arms length girl," he said, stepping closer to me again.

"What's that mean?" I asked as I tried not to take another step back from him in case it proved his point. I reached my right arm across myself and held my left elbow though, as if this put something between us.

"I've heard the tales about the Star Tripper, and if I'm being honest I really admired them. It was nice that there was someone that came behind us, cleaning up our messes, caring for the people we were busy fighting for. And now that I know it's you, I can't figure out why someone who cares so much about others keeps such a distance from them," he explained.

The few drops of moon juice in my system almost opened my mouth, spewing useless back story, but I swallowed it back down.

"Why did you want to get rid of me so bad back there?" He asked. His tone was soft but his eyes squinted at me closely. "And remember, Garoo's don't lie."

I gave him a look of mild annoyance before letting out a heavy sigh, looking at the fire as I formulated what I would say.

"I'm used to taking care of myself, by myself, and not having to worry about anyone else," I began explaining carefully.

"I just wanted you to be safe- Since the resistance needs you so much and all, Leia and BB-8 and all of them," I added quickly lest he thought I actually cared about him.

I guess I wasn't convincing enough because the corner of his lips pulled back in a smirk.

"Like I said, you're really bad at it," he chuckled. "And just fair warning, I'm not good at keeping things at arms length. I'm more of an up close and messy kind of guy."

"I noticed. Also why I wanted to get rid of you."

"I bet," there was that smirk and those eyes again, almost seductive.

But I wasn't falling for that again.


	9. I Let My Guard Down One Time

Thankfully the night went by quickly and the moon juice went fast. The pyres were glowing with a dull crackle in the darkness and Poe and I were the only ones still conscious. Slowly and quietly we made our way into the woods, me leading us toward my ship.

"How far do we have to walk? I'm already exhausted," Poe whispered beside me.

"When we get far enough away I'll have my ship come to us," I told him.

"Oh thank goodness," he sighed in relief. "Those people really know how to party. And I may have sampled the moon juice just a little."

"Plus I don't think you're quite over your brush with the first order yet," I added for no discernible reason.

"Ooh, did arms length just become a little shorter?" He teased.

"I'll call my ship now," I said, ignoring him.

After a few moments of walking in silence we came to a clearing where Lola could land for us. We stood in the chilly moonlight waiting for her. It was so cold away from the fires now I didn't even mind how Poe stood close enough that our shoulders brushed.

As we waited I heard a twig snap behind us. I grabbed my saber as I turned and tried to step in front of Poe since he was unarmed, but I was stopped by his arm across my stomach trying to push me behind him.

"Stay behind me," he whispered.

"No, you stay behind me. I have a weapon, remember?" I whispered back and I tried to push him back behind me.

We'd become a childlike tangle of pushing and pulling that could easily be mistaken for something else when a bright light shone on us. We froze in our odd embrace and squinted into the light. It lowered slightly and we saw Tarrin behind it. We both breathed a sigh of relief and, remembering Tarrin's comment about Poe, I pushed the latter away from me and stood on my own.

"Running away in the night again, huh?" Tarrin shrugged at me, trying to keep his unhappiness subtle.

"Guess it's a habit, sorry," I shrugged back apologetically.

"I think you just suck at goodbyes," he shot back.

I nodded.

"Oh yeah, definitely."

"Well," Tarrin said, an emotional edge in his voice. "Good luck with being alone."

With that he turned and made his way back, extinguishing his light and melting back into the night. I felt Poe's hand on my shoulder and found myself standing completely still again. I was not used to receiving comfort. It was usually because there was no one around to give it to me since, like Tarrin, they were always walking away from me. Or I from them. I took a moment to appreciate the warmth of it, the weight of it, the feeling of a presence with me instead of the feeling of being alone. Luckily, before I could think anything of Poe in particular, Lola arrived landing smoothly behind us.

I turned sharply, his hand sliding off my shoulder, and marched onto my ship, a wonderful familiarness washing over me. My desire to clean up and go to bed outweighed my possessiveness of Lola and I decided to allow Poe to pilot. Out of the two of us he was the one who knew where the rebel base was anyway.

"Go ahead and enter the coordinates," I said, motioning to the control room as I went by it and to my room.

He didn't say anything, which was odd. I finally stripped off my pants once my door had closed behind me and appraised the damage. They were just so gross I didn't even want to think about fixing them, so I tossed them at the waste chute. I felt the familiar little jolt of Lola slipping into hyper drive. I figured Poe couldn't need me for much right now, I might as well take a shower and get some rest, but it somehow felt like I was avoiding him. Avoiding him or not, what did it matter though? These confusing thoughts were interrupted by a startling shriek from the never used communication system.

"Sorry to interrupt whatever you're doing," Poe's voice filled my bedroom. "But can you come up here real quick?"

I relaxed my shoulders and pulled on a new pair of pants, wondering what in the galaxy he could want. I found him where I'd laid him the day we first met, but this time he was sitting there with his elbows on his knees, his chin propped on one fist and a serious look on his face.

"What's up?" I tried to ask casually as I came in and got his attention.

His dark eyes snapped to me and his expression relaxed as he stood up.

"Hey, I just..." He faltered for a second, looking away to find his words again. "I just wanted to ask you one last thing. And if you answer it I won't make you go back to the resistance if you don't want to."

I raised my brows mostly at his softened tone and lack of teasing. This must be an important question.

"Ok, shoot," I said, trying to match his sincerity, crossing my arms as I leaned a little closer.

He took a deep breath before he started in.

"Look, I want to trust you, I don't know why, but I do. And the only thing holding me back is the whole light and dark side thing. Can you please explain that to me?"

I looked at him and how his dark eyes were searching mine for something. I guess it couldn't hurt none to explain it to him, it's not like he was asking me to tell him something personal. I felt a lightness in my chest I couldn't explain either.

I glanced around the room and spotted two small containers of paint in black and white that I'd used to fix up one of my old disguises last week. I grabbed them and motioned for him to sit at the table with me.

"So, the Sith have their own code, right? Just like the Jedi's do. Do you know what it is?" I asked as I took the top off the black paint.

He shook his head, remaining uncharacteristically quiet.

I dipped my finger tip in the black paint and held my other hand out to Poe.

"Give me your hand," I requested softly, and he complied.

I held his hand and placed a dot of black paint on his palm.

"Peace is a lie, there is only passion," I began to recite the Sith code. "Through passion I gain strength. Through strength I gain power. Through power I gain victory. Through victory my chains are broken, The Force shall set me free."

I glanced up at Poe to see if he was following. He looked up from his palm at me but didn't say anything.

"And the Jedi code," I cleared my throat and went on, dipping my index finger in the white paint and placing a white dot next to the black. "There is no emotion, there is peace."

I felt a ripple of apprehension come from Poe at those words, but I went on.

"There is no ignorance, there is knowledge. There is no passion, there is serenity. There is no chaos, there is harmony. There is no death, there is the force."

I stared at the black and white dots, the back of Poe's hand resting in my palm.

"Many people think these are the only ways to see the force," I said, glancing up to find him already looking at me. "But there's a third way."

I took my two paint covered fingers and ran them across his palm, mixing the black and white.

"There is no dark side, or a light, there is only the Force. I will do what I must to keep the balance. There is no good without evil, but evil must not be allowed to flourish. There is passion, yet peace. There is serenity, yet emotion. There is chaos, yet order."

His palm was now an even gray color, without separation of black and white. And suddenly the Force was working again. It felt as though Poe and I were connected by an invisible string and it both scared and comforted me. I felt everything he'd gone through when the first order had captured him, I saw a chain around his neck with a ring on it, and I felt the respect the resistance had for him, Leia in particular.

I stopped staring at his hand and looked up into his eyes. He looked like he had felt something too, and we just stared at each other a little too long. I was the one to break off first, looking away and letting his hand go as I wiped my fingers on the hem of my dirty shirt.

"Does that... does that answer your question?" I asked, putting the paint lids back on and not looking at him.

"Yeah. Yeah it does," he said after clearing his throat.

He then reached across me, placing his hand on my shoulder and trailing it down toward my elbow. I looked up at him, surprised and unguarded.

"Thanks for explaining it to me," he said with a glint in his eyes.

My own surprised expression hardened into a realization as I looked at my arm. Gray paint streaked from shoulder to elbow.


	10. Destabilization, a Multifaceted Thing

It was twilight at the rebels base camp when we arrived there, the sky a vivid and fiery color palette. As I dried my wet hair, Poe entered his codes to get us past the rebel's security. I could tell he was anxious to go get his orders and catch up on things, he'd already been away too long, yet, after we landed, he stopped and looked at me.

"Are you leaving, or staying?" He asked me, his brows knit but turning up ever so slightly, hopefully.

Not sure why he was asking, and too curious to leave it alone, I cocked my head to the side.

"Why?"

"Because..." He began, taking a few steps to stand in front of me. "Even if you suck at goodbyes I'd like one from you before you go anywhere."

Go anywhere, yes, why hadn't I been thinking about where I'd be going or what I'd be doing next? Being kidnapped was one thing, but I could have been strategizing in the back of mind before making my escape. Even after escaping I would have come up with a plan if... If I hadn't been distracted by Poe Dameron.

That man was an absolute danger to me if he could make me forget about the planet sized weapon floating out there that had just destroyed the New Republic, and was probably charging up as we stood there, getting ready to destroy more civilizations. I could forget about all that cuz a pair of pretty eyes needed my help, and he wanted a reason to trust me? Too risky, I had to end it all immediately.

Poe still stood there, waiting patiently for my answer as all these thoughts raced through my mind.

"I see," I began. "Well then... Goodbye, Poe."

It didn't have the conviction and firmness I'd wanted it to, but it was a goodbye in no uncertain terms.

Poe looked conflicted and a little grim, it looked like some words were rising up. I prepared for a speech about doing the right thing or how they needed me, but then he seemed to swallow it.

He gave a small exhale, his shoulders dropping slightly.

"Take care of yourself, Hope," he said.

And then his arms were around my shoulders, tight and heavy. They pulled me to him, stubble brushing my ear, the smell of fire in his curls. I hadn't been hugged in over a decade. The people who cared for me after my parents death had given me a little affection, but I'd received none at the Jedi training temple. I'd avoided the frantic, thankful hugs of the people I'd helped, I'd remained aloof, arms length. And now here I was, pressed to Poe's chest, close as can be.

He pulled back, his hands still on my shoulders as he lingered for a moment with his warmth and smoky scent. He gave a tight lipped smile then turned around and left.

I was stunned, my arms frozen mid air from reaching up to, as I realized, hug him back. My fears were confirmed now. I'd missed that, needed that, and worse, I wanted more.

Poe: What's Meant For You Will Always Find Its Way Back to You

Walking away from Hope without any protest or begging was one of the hardest things I'd had to do. But I had promised that if she answered my question I'd let her go, turning back on that promise would surely sever whatever trust she had in me. If she was going to come back or stay I wanted it to be her choice. And I had a feeling that she would. I don't know what it was based on, but I chose to believe it.

A glint of light in the sky made me look up. Her ship, Lola I think she called it, reflected the colors of the sunset on every surface of the chrome hull. It was quite beautiful, even with the sinking feeling her departure gave me. I thought about her face when I'd hugged her, at first it was so determined and even cold, her goodbye sounding very canned. But then her heart was beating frantically against my chest, and she looked at me so different.

My thoughts were interrupted by someone frantically calling my name. With a hand on my chest where I'd felt her heart beat, I looked forward and saw Finn running toward me.

"Where have you been, man?" He asked once he reached me, panting to catch his breath. "We looked everywhere before we couldn't stay any longer."

"Long story," I sighed, realizing it was much too long to explain possibly ever.

"Did that hot girl save you again?" He asked, the two of us walking briskly to the base.

"I don't think I called her hot, but yes."

"Yeah, you did," Finn argued. "You told me a hot girl saved you on Jakku."

"Well, let's amend the record and call her beautiful instead. What have I missed so far?"

"They've been decoding the blueprints for Star Killer Base, they were just about to crack it when you showed up outta no where. Poe," he grabbed my arm and we stopped as he looked desperately at me. "They took Rey."

I set my hand on his shoulder.

"We're gonna get her back, I promise."

Seemingly assured, he let us get moving again.

"Poe!" BB-8 beeped happily as he rolled up beside us. "Did that wonderful lady rescue you again?"

"Yes she did, Buddy," I chuckled at him as we made our way to the main control room.

"Poe, here's what we got from the recon," Snaps said as he joined us.

We were able to review most of it before I, as commander, presented it to the General.

"Dameron!" General Organa said as soon I set foot in the room, loud enough to silence it and bring every eye on me. "Nice of you to join us."

"Sorry General," I apologized, forging ahead through the tension. "Your concern is much appreciated."

She gave me a small glare softened by a smile in return. "Good thing you haven't missed much."

I made my way to the Holotable and got started.

"The scan data from Snap's reconnaissance flight confirms Finn's report," I announced.

"They've somehow created a hyper-lightspeed weapon built within the planet itself," Snap added further explanation.

"A laser cannon?" An officer asked.

"We're not sure how to describe a weapon of this scale," Snap admitted.

"It's another Death Star," Ematt compared.

"I wish that were the case, Major," I sighed as I tapped a few buttons. "This was the Death Star."

The projection popped up a familiar space station.

"And this is Star Killer base."

The Death Star projection had to be minimized to make room for the enormous new weapon. Everyone in the room gasped.

"So, it's big," Han shrugged.

"How is it possible to power a weapon of that size?" Admiral Akbar asked.

"It uses the power of the sun," Finn jumped in, the only one of us to have set foot on it. "As the weapon is charged, the sun is drained until it disappears."

A woman approached Leia and handed her more information.

"They're charging it again now," she informed the room. "Our system is the next target."

That was unsettling news to say the least, and I really wished now that Hope had stayed.

"Oh my," C3PO lamented. "Without the republic fleet, we're doomed."

"Ok," Han tried to breeze over that comment. "How do we blow it up? There's always a way to do that."

"Han's right," Leia agreed.

"In order for that amount of power to be contained, that base has to have some kind of thermal oscillator," Statura thought aloud.

"There is one!" Finn exclaimed and came around the holotable to point it out. "Precinct 47, here."

"If we can destroy that oscillator, it might destabilize the core and cripple the weapon," Statura ventured.

"Maybe the planet," Ematt added.

"We'll go in there, we'll hit that oscillator with everything we've got," I assured the room as I clung to the assurances this could keep them from firing again.

"They have defensive shields," Akbar pointed out. "That our ships can not penetrate."

"We disable the shields," Han went on and looked at Finn. "Kid, you worked there, what do you got?"

"I can do it," Finn promised, earning a smirk from Han.

"I like this guy," he told Leia.

"I can disable the shields but I have to be there, on the planet," Finn clarified.

Han glanced up at Chewie.

"We'll get you there," he told Finn.

"Han, how?" Leia interrupted.

"If I told you, you wouldn't like it."

Chewie seemed distracted suddenly and walked away from Han. I wasn't paying enough attention to see where he was going.

"So we disable the shields, we take out the oscillator, and we blow up their big gun," I summarized our plan of action.

"Great we'll ge-" Han began before noticing his friend was gone. "Where'd he go?"

Everyone looked around the room, not seeing or hearing him anywhere.

"Chewie!" Han called. "We don't have time for hide and seek!"

With a darn near bloodcurdling cry, the Wookiee came bounding back into the room holding a struggling hooded figure. He chortled continuously at the person, stroking their head until the hood was finally pulled back. Instantly I was grinning ear to ear.

"Hope?!" Han exclaimed as he came around the Holotable to get a closer look at her. "You're alive?"

She'd given up struggling and accepted defeat, hanging there like a rag doll in the Wookiee's affectionate grip. Han stared up at her with a smile and even tears in his eyes.

"Hey Han," she flicked her wrist to vaguely wave at him in greeting.

His face soon clouded over and he shook a stern finger in her face.

"I thought you were dead, young lady!" He gruffly complained and her eyes turned halfway skyward, not a full roll, but close.

"It's been- what? 10? 12 years? And you couldn't be bothered to tell me you were still alive?" He gesticulated wildly. "I thought we were buddies, wasn't I always nice to you?"

"Yes, yes you were," she calmly agreed, his finger pointed in her face.

"So, what? What was so important-"

"Han? Han," Leia tried to interrupt them gently, for her at least.

"We have bigger Death Stars to destroy, can we have this conversation later?"

"You knew?" Han accused Leia now.

"Later," She repeated firmly.

Chewie let out a small, disappointed grunt as he set Hope down. Once her feet hit the floor Han gave her a big hug. This time she still seemed surprised, but pleasantly so. Her arms found their way around him much faster than her attempt with me, she even smiled a little. He let go and smirked at her, Chewie ruffling her hair as he walked by, following Han back to where they'd been standing before.

Now there was nothing between her and my idiotic smile. She froze, and dare I say, blushed. She seemed almost bashful but trying so hard to still come off as confident as before. A small thrill ran up my spine at the thought that I could have done this to her.

"Hi, Hope. Long time no see. You can stand here by me," I told her, gesturing to the open space beside me, a doofy grin still plastered on my face.

I was honestly surprised when she did so without rolling her eyes or protesting in any way.

"So, what brought you back?" I asked her.

"I needed the info on Star Killer base," she sighed, her eyes staring ahead, unfocused.

"Uh-huh, and what were you planning to do?" I pressed, the meeting all about her now.

She pressed her palms on the edge of the holotable, propping up her otherwise limp and defeated looking body language.

Her bent head finally came up with a snap and she spoke just as sharply.

"I don't know yet," she admitted, throwing a subtle sideways look at me and then the Wookiee. "I was interrupted mid planning."

"Maybe you can help us with our plan then," The General suggested.

"Wouldn't it be better for everyone here if I just took care of it for you?" She offered.

"That's not how we're gonna solve this problem, your highness," I assured her, the use of this nickname making her revert to her old eye rolling ways. "This is gonna take a team. A team that would have a much higher success rate with you on it."

I gave her my best guess of what puppy dog eyes should look like.

"I'm willing to say we're helping you, instead of you helping us!" I offered when she'd just stared at me a beat too long.

"That's not the point!" She shook her head at me like I was an idiot.

"I'm sorry, who is she?" Someone piped up.

The chorus of Han, Chewie, C3PO, BB-8 and myself blurted out our own version of Hope, each definition smacking into each other and falling in a tangled heap mid air. Hope looked alarmed to say the least.

"Her name is Hope," Leia informed everyone clearly. "She is force sensitive and.. I trust her."

Hope turned to the General, soft surprise in her dark blue eyes and Leia gave her a small smile and a wink.

"She'd be perfect to sneak them into the base to disable the shields then!" Someone offered.

Hope glanced around looking for whoever made that suggestion before looking at me.

"What have you all planned to do exactly?" She asked me. "I was just hacking you guys to get the blue prints, I didn't hear your little meeting back here."

"We don't have time to explain it all over again to her, they're already charging it up again," Snap said. "She's either in or she's out."

Not caring about that I turned to Hope, placing a hand on her shoulder. She turned to me, giving me her full attention.

"Get on the base, disable shields, blow the oscillator," I explained quickly and succinctly.

"Ok, so someone gets through the shields by, what? Approaching at light speed? Suicidal but possible. And what lunatics have that mission?" She asked.

Han, Chewie, and Finn raised their hands.

She looked around and nodded disgruntledly.

"I'll go, if Han stays," she announced firmly.

"Whoa now," Han began to argue but she cut him off quickly.

"Like they said, I'm force sensitive so I'd be better at getting us into the base to shut down the shield. You think He won't sense you the moment you're on the planet? Sorry Han, but you'd be a liability. That's my one condition. If you want my help, which you really do need, Han stays behind. I get Chewie, Finn and ... R2," she said with measure of authority that started throwing people off a little.

"R2-D2 has been in low power mode since master Luke vanished," C3PO explained.

"Really?" Hope asked, surprised and a little worried. "Ok then, please tell me you still have Katie then."

"I believe we do! In storage, though. I will retrieve R2-KT immediately!" C3PO said happily as he waddled off as fast as possible.

"What are you taking orders from her for? I haven't approved her plan!" Leia called at the golden back of the protocol droid.

"What're you doing kid?" Han asked once he'd come closer to Hope.

"I'm gonna do your mission, and I'm gonna make it work," she gave a nod that was meant to be confident.

Han tilted his head and looked at her more intently.

"And I'm keeping you safe," she added, her voice sounding tight and her eyes shining a little.

Han placed his hands on her shoulders.

"Ok," he nodded, giving a lopsided smile that seemed to me like it was hiding something. "You sure that ship of yours will do the job? Everything is on the falcon already, you could just take it."

"That old thing?" She smirked though it was sad. "Mine can do the kessel run in 11 parsecs."

Han laughed.

"Hey, don't even joke like that."

He looked at Leia and she nodded to him, looked like Hope had gotten her way.

"Alright everyone, let's get it done," Leia ordered and the group dispersed, everyone hurriedly going to work.

Han and Chewie left to get the explosives and Finn came up to Hope, probably to talk about Rey, so I excused myself with the rest of my squadron to get ready to go. Hope half turned as if to follow me but then turned back to talk to Finn.

It was dark now as the pilots prepared their ships, loading up their droids and doing routine systems checks. We didn't need anything going wrong up there, even if it cost us some time. From my ship I could see Lola, glinting back any light that came her way.

"How's everything look, BB-8?" I asked from the ground.

"All systems functioning normally, we are good to go," he informed me.

"Great," I said and turned around to get to my boarding ladder.

"Jeez!" I jumped when I almost ran smack into Hope standing right behind me.

"Finn showed me the blueprint of the oscillator, are you out of your freaking mind?" She dug in immediately. "What you're planning to do is really dangerous."

"How do you know it'll be me?"

"Of course it's going to be you, who else would it be?" She burst, getting more upset and I almost laughed.

The words were on the tip of my tongue and I really did try to hold them back, knowing they could set me way back with her, but in the end I couldn't resist.

"Well, if you're worried... you could always give me a kiss for luck," I tried not to grin too big.

She looked like she died a little and then said, "you're the unluckiest thing that's ever happened to me," before turning and walking away.

I chuckled and began climbing to get in my X-wing. I knew I wasn't getting that kiss but I also didn't take what she said too personally either. That was just one of her layers. I heard her calling my name once I'd reached the top. Surprised, I turned and looked down at her. She glanced around as if making sure no one was paying attention before putting her fingers to her lips and blowing me the most pathetic kiss in the galaxy, wouldn't even look at me properly, and practically ran off right after.

BB-8 asked why I was laughing so much.


End file.
